


Healing Nature

by Starjargon



Series: Tangled Web of Beauty [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Author Gratification, Complete, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Missing Adventure, Story Arc, Story with Plot, Time Babies, Timey Wimey, hurt/ comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starjargon/pseuds/Starjargon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is depressed after becoming Time Lord Victorious. He could do with a childish outing for a special girl's birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Still part of my Tangled Web of Beauty series. Mostly fluff, but due to the Doctor's timeline, there is also romance and angst as well, and unlike other parts to this series- there is an actual little plot in this story (with an ending and everything...)
> 
> As always due to the Timey Wimey nature of the Doctor and the Pond's life- the order of the series doesn't necessarily matter. Also, very AU- in which Manhattan shall now be known as "that place the Doctor and Ponds went before they went to the pub and Amy and River schooled the boys at video games." There will be so much fluff, crazy random happenstances, and guest appearances in this story- so be prepared, and enjoy the ride, because I have so far. Let me know what you think!

"Doctor!" River yelled as the familiar TARDIS noise reached her ears. Before it had even faded completely into view she had burst through the doors- the righteous indignation of a mother protecting her young coursing through her veins. Nothing could stay her course as she ran without looking into the console room and… into a previous version of her husband. Well, at least he was the one right before they got married and not the one with the cane- again.

"Professor Song?" he questioned, clearly surprised at her willingness to simply barge in without any sort of invitation. Oh, well. At least he knew who she was. "What're you doing here?"

"Have you met Bella?"

"Your daughter?"

"Yes, my daughter. Come with me." She immediately walked up and grabbed his hand, forcefully pulling him away from his brooding and his beloved ship.

"What's happening? What do you think you are doing?! River! Where are we going?!" Despite his protests, he was intrigued and curious as to where this mysterious woman was taking him.

"Bella's father promised he'd show up for her birthday, and once again- he's late. So you're going to make it up to her."

"Why me?" he asked- really not in the mood for dealing with the domestic problems of women he barely knew.

"Because you're here and he's not." Her voice allowed no room for arguing. "Now, you're going to go in there, invite her on a magnificent adventure, take her out for the time of her life, and ignore any spoilers you get today. Is that completely understood?" Her look could stop armies dead in their tracks.

"Right. And who exactly do I say I am- the stranger who delivered you when you were a baby?"

"Be whoever you have to. Be John Smith for all I care!"

"I really don't think I should have to-"

"Look, it really doesn't seem like that idiot is going to show up, so unless you want to stay with her tonight as she cries herself to sleep, you're going to make sure she has the most memorable birthday ever."

He was about to protest when he spotted a very young child- probably no more than 5 or 6 years old, run up to River.

"Is he here yet, Mommy? He promised," she reminded her mother hopefully.

The fear in the child's eyes tore at the Doctor's hearts, prompting him to crouch down to her level before River could answer and say, "Happy Birthday, Bella. Your mummy tells me could use an adventure today?"

She just looked up at her mother, question in her eyes before River nodded and smiled, making this stranger's proposition legitimate.

"Well, I was supposed to go with my daddy, but we can go before he gets here. He's going to come. He promised." Her accent was unlike her mother's, and her eyes held no recognition for him- so that convinced the Doctor she must not be who he had suspected she was.

"Well, then. We best hurry so we could be back in time." He relaxed now as he held out his hand to the child, who then turned to grasp her mother's in her other one. She _really_ didn't seem to know him- another comfort to the wary Time Lord.

"Where are we going, Mommy?" the child asked the adult she did know, even as she held onto the Doctor's hand with surprising strength.

"Well, I don't know, darling. Where did you want to go?"

"Daddy promised he'd take me to the Phosphorus Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestalt. Mommy, what's phosphorus mean?"

At these words the Doctor's face broke into a small smile- the child's excitement exactly the remedy he needed to soften the ache of what had so recently happened. He was just about to give a very detailed description on the origins of phosphorus and the Carousel and the planet on which it was located, when his hearts stopped as the little girl squealed and unexpectedly ran toward his TARDIS.

"He did come!" she screamed, running through the doors, before looking around in confusion, then horror.

"What happened?! Where's my daddy? Why is the TARDIS broken?" She was so confused as she took in the coral settings, wondering what happened to her father's ship.

"Bella-" began River, before Bella turned to the obvious culprit of her confusion- the Doctor, and she ran up to him, pulling him down to her level, clutching at his shirt.

"What happened to my daddy?!" she sobbed, burying her face in his chest while he, stunned, looked to River, who was reaching for her child just as Bella's head perked up, her tiny hands feeling the two heartbeats beneath her fingers. She stopped crying long enough to put two hands over her own chest, then back on the Doctor's.

"It's you! How did you change your face, Daddy?! You _did_ come for my birthday! I knew you would. What happened to the TARDIS? Did your face change it?! Can we still go to the carousel?" She gasped. "Is my face going to change too because it's my birthday?"

"No, baby, your face isn't going to change. Why don't you go to your room and get your special birthday outfit on? We'll be there in a moment."

The Doctor was very rarely stunned into silence, but this was a very unusual circumstance.

"River," he pointed to the child who made her way casually through his enormous ship, "she- well, I mean, is she- WHO _IS_ SHE?!" the stress of the situation really was getting to him.

"I'd hoped to come up with a better explanation for the two of you, but I forget how impatient both of you can be."

"We- I- River, am I her father?" He needed answers. _Now_.

"You will be, one day. But I guess she's too clever for our own good." He nodded smugly- she _was_ his daughter. Apparently. "She's gone and figured out everything before we can even explain regeneration to her." Then she smacked him on the arm.

"OW! What was that for?" he bellowed.

"You knew this would happen all this time and you never mentioned it!"

" _I_ didn't do anything. Future me did."

" _You're_ here. By the way, how early is this for you? You knew about Bella. Have you seen me since then?"

"I last helped you steal a timeship off Gaiusa a while back. You had no idea who Bella was."

"Ah- yes. Good ol' ship helped me quite a bit during my early Storm Cage experience."

"The prison?"

"Spoilers."

"It's a bit late for that now, isn't it?"

"Oh, don't be such a grump. Just enjoy the day, forget it until much later on, and pretend like you're familiar with our child. Her name's Bella, obviously. She's as excited as you are about everything. She knows Jack and some of your other old companions. And she's never encountered either of us- well, at least we've made it seem that way- who didn't know her. Apparently she just assumes you had no life before her, bless. So, set aside your surprise and your desire to run as fast as possible right now, and pretend you're happy to be here."

He was surprised she knew him so well, though he shouldn't be- she was River Song. Even when he'd met her younger versions she'd known everything about him. Ish. Now that he knew the child she'd delivered years ago was his, he did feel slightly better that he was there for Bella's birth. And the child had seemed so sure he would be there because a future him had promised her- so maybe he wouldn't destroy the little girl's life after all. He tried to take comfort in that as he fought against the desire River had already named.

"River-" he had to ask, a sliver of doubt and fear squirming through him as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, "she doesn't know this me. What if- what if I'm not who she expects?"

River looked at him- really looked for the first time that night, and saw the pain he couldn't mask in his eyes.

"Doctor- where did you last come from? Not in relation to me- just, just where were you before you landed a few minutes ago?"

He couldn't meet her eyes. Didn't want to meet them, really- she would know. She always would know. "Mars," he whispered.

She cupped his face as she had done that dreadful day in the Library- the Library! Bella! This situation brought a whole new level of pain as he realized the child would be motherless before long. He looked into her eyes as she gazed compassionately at him, with far more understanding than he deserved right now.

"She will love you because no matter where you go or what you do, you are still you. And I've seen you at your darkest, my love," he flinched at the new title, "and never even at your most wretched, have you ever been able to hurt a child."

His mind filled with memories of wars in which he had fought, of Jenny and how his words were aimed to destroy, of his sons as they fought beside him in the Great Time War, of his daughters as they helped him make the decision to end all their lives. Perhaps River didn't know him as well as he thought.

"Yes, sometimes children get hurt the same way everyone does- but not by design and never by intention. And you always, always do everything in your power to save them, body and soul." Well, then. Maybe she does.

He shook his head. "But this charade, that I know her or that you know her, surely it would just be easier to explain? And it would probably be better for her as well, knowing right off that things are like this?" He tried to justify his desire to run, to come back when he knew the child who trusted him as implicitly and dangerously as her mother. He didn't want to be here. Didn't think he could bear it. But, he also couldn't believe that he would come back if he left. Ever.

As usual, River seemed to be able to read his mind. "I had that same reaction when this happened to me, my love. Wouldn't it be better to tell her I had no idea she even existed, then I could go about my life pretending perhaps she never would?"

He looked up at her then, a question in his eyes. "Then you said something to me that changed my entire outlook on the situation as I played along with was at the time _your_ scheme."

"What- ahem- what did I say?"

Her lip curled up devilishly. "You said 'you're absolutely right. You go on and tell her.'"

Just then, Bella came back in sporting a mini World War II coat, a tutu, a fez, and a basket of strange foods, including fish fingers and custard, with her as she automatically reached out and took the Doctor's hand, swinging it casually and looked up with her piercing green eyes. "Okay, Daddy, can we go now?"

Blasted woman. Of course he couldn't be the one to tell this innocent, trusting child their secret. He put on his best fake smile and typed in coordinates for the Phosphorus Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestalt. So much for running.

 


	2. Possibilites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor might actually find himself enjoying his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but I promise, I didn't forget. Here are a couple more chapters that hopefully make up for the length of time you had to wait between them!

When they landed, it took the eagerness of the little girl who'd yet to let go of his hand to pull the Doctor from his ship. He gave one final glare to River for good measure, before following his future daughter out onto the planet.

"Bella," said the Doctor, deciding the whole day would go by much easier if he focused more attention on the girl than her mother, "I give you the Phosphorus Carousel." He spread his arm out in a sweeping gesture, presenting the large attraction to the little birthday girl.

He watched as her eyes lit up with excitement, studying the twirling ride as it made its random rotations throughout the planet.

"How big is it?" the little girl asked as she tried to follow it with her eyes.

"It goes around most of the planet," the Doctor replied, "depending on which level you're on, they go through different caves or mountains, a few even go through the sea. There's one rotation that makes it seem like you're falling off a cliff, and another where you go through fields of different types of really fragrant plants. Then there's the bubble rotation, the falls of strawberry water, and the colour blast."

"Which one are we going on, Daddy?" the little girl looked up at him eagerly.

He smiled down at her, his mind going through the hundreds of possibilities he could share with this young child for her birthday. His grin grew bigger before he leaned down and whispered conspiratorially in her ear, "Who said we're only going on _one_?"

The little girl's eyes grew huge, and she shrieked in delight and enveloped his neck in a tight hug. He was surprised for a few moments, before he returned it and looked up at River, who was eyeing him with pride and gratitude. He looked down at the girl in his arms and made an impulse decision, picking her up and swinging her onto his shoulders. They walked into the crowd and he found himself reaching for River's hand, squeezing it in gratitude for this moment.


	3. Loosening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds himself feeling lighter than he has in a while.

The first rotation they went on, Bella insisted the Doctor sit with her on a hippopotamus from Earth, and he couldn't help but grin as she clapped and bounced in her seat. One arm hugged his to her, keeping herself in his embrace, and once River was sat next to them on a large water serpent, the carousel began to move.

That first round took them through colourful meadows, where actual unicorns had been imported to graze the billowing fields. Bella leaned against the Doctor, who found himself holding onto her even tighter, something soft and solid and good in his arms. She would yell out constantly, asking him what every little thing was, curious as to what caused the different colours, asking him if he spoke unicorn or horse (he said no, but he would learn so they could speak to them next time).

River would often lean into them, pointing something out to Bella and the little girl would tug on the Doctor's sleeve asking if he'd seen it too. Then she'd lean them both over to ask River if she'd noticed something else or other. Of course, this manoeuvre kept inadvertently bringing River into the Doctor's sphere, and he found himself not altogether minding the smell of her soap or the light tickle of her curls in his face.

The next revolution had River and Bella sat in the arms of an abominable snowman, the Doctor riding someone's idea of a snow yak as they sailed through the winter section. Bella giggled as the snowflakes hit her face, and after the Doctor had found his face covered with snow, he retaliated against an innocent- looking River. They threw snowballs at one another for quite a while, River teaching Bella how to properly pack the balls before the little girl threw a few tentatively at her father. Once she saw he didn't get angry, she grew more confident, and he lightly tossed a few at her too, delighting in the squeals she made as each ball made contact. He taught her how to stick out her tongue to catch some snowflakes, and River laughed at the two of them as they lifted their faces to the sky, mouths open and tongues as far out as they could go.

They even got off briefly and built a snowman, Bella insisting she could make her own. River had already started one for her daughter, so the Doctor helped her build hers larger. He'd never admit it out loud, but he didn't mind how close they got as they succeeded in rolling the balls bigger and bigger, and he even caught his hand edging closer to hers as they smoothed out the edges, before he caught her eye and cleared his throat anxiously, turning away to gauge Bella's process.

The little girl looked an adorable mess, and had somehow gotten more snow on her than her snowman. He had to admit he found her clumsiness endearing, though he feared what it meant, seeing as her mother was one of the most graceful people he'd ever met. He hoped it was a trait all her own, and not inherited from the incarnation that had fathered her- if it was a different incarnation at all.

Once they'd succeeded in getting her mostly snow- free, the Doctor wrapped his own coat around her, hugging her tightly to him and rubbing her back softly to ward off any cold she might feel. He had enjoyed his day thus far, but a nervous feeling settled into him as he pressed the little girl's body against his own, feeling, for the first time in... oh so long, two hearts beating against his own. He'd known on an intellectual basis of course- she _had_ mentioned it earlier, but now, as it became a reality against him, he felt panic begin to settle in. And he realized, perhaps Bella wasn't an adventure he was quite ready for.

River must have read his face, and always the protector, she picked up her daughter and told her it was time to eat, then they could see what other levels had to offer.


	4. Lunchtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor battles some unsettling foods. And feelings.

Bella ran to the TARDIS and brought out her hamper, passing around her treats eagerly. The Doctor tried to hide his disgust when he picked up the fish finger she'd dunked messily into custard before handing it to him, but if River's laugh at his face was any indication, he didn't do a very good job. She smiled and took a fresh one out of the container, dipped it in ever so slightly, then leaned forward automatically to feed it to him, looking down and awkwardly placing it in his hand when she realized what she'd done. He looked away from her as he took it, holding back his desire to gag as he closed his eyes and took a bite. And realized… it wasn't terrible.

He picked up another one and ate it easily as he watched Bella devour hers. He looked questioningly at River, who was just staring fondly at her daughter, stroking her head before leaning over and kissing it. She looked over at him as if to say, "What?"

He shook his head and returned to the odd meal, wondering exactly what kind of woman River Song really was and how she'd come by such ridiculous tastes. He looked into the hamper once more and was delighted to find a banana, and offered it to Bella. She looked at him in confusion, pulling out a Jammie Dodger instead. He laughed, eating it from her small fingers, before breaking off a piece of banana and feeding it to her. She laughed as she ate from his fingers just as he had done. Then, when she asked him for another piece, she diverted his hand to River's mouth, giggling as she told him to 'feed Mommy, too.' River looked uneasy as she met the Doctor's eyes, looking down to her oblivious daughter and unsure of what she should do to keep from pushing the Doctor beyond his comfort level. He froze momentarily, before glancing quickly at Bella and stiffly keeping his hand outstretched. River, to his great relief, plucked the piece from his fingers, grinning down at her daughter as she placed it in her mouth before quickly jumping up and declaring that she would love to see the volcano level.

Bella offered the tall Doctor a hand to get up, which he readily pretended to accept, instead pulling the little girl back down to him and mercilessly tickling her as River put the food away. He glanced up at River as Bella lay laughing and panting on the ground, his gaze softening in thanks for her understanding. She nodded ever so slightly to him before turning into the TARDIS, then he picked up the child of his future, and pretended not to feel slightly ashamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning more 10/ River than originally intended, but it's flowing nicely, so I'm just going to "go with the flow."


	5. Daddy's Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe being a father again wouldn't be terrible. Especially to this little girl.

For the volcano circuit they sat on a long bench, with Bella in between them. She was fascinated by the way the fire interacted with different creatures on the carousel, making them seem to burn, yet while fire shone all around them, they remained unscathed on their bench. She looked around and noticed none of their fellow passengers seemed to be affected either.

"Daddy," she asked, tugging on the Doctor's sleeve.

"Yes, Bella," he answered, still unused to and slightly uncomfortable with the title.

"Why's it not hot? Shouldn't we be burnt up like crispy bacon? That's what Uncle Jack says happens if you go in a volcano."

"Uncle- Jack Harkness?" he asked River, who nodded, "Well, he'd know. You see, Bella, this is one of the levels the where the carousel gets its name from. Phosphorus comes in many different forms, and is often quite dangerous. There's even one form where air makes it explode. The engineers-"

"The people who built the carousel," River clarified to the little girl.

"Right, the people who built the carousel gave certain levels different aspects inspired by phosphorus. This level mirrors its burning because it's coated in a chemical found only on the asteroid belt of Cheee, which prevents the fire from touching anything below it- sort of like what ducks have to keep the water off them, but for fire. That's why they made us stand under that empty doorway when we came in- they douse everyone before they come up here, so no matter how hot the temperatures or flames, we don't actually feel it or get burned."

"So do I need to take a bath?" asked the little girl, concerned now that Mommy might declare her dirty as soon as they got off the ride.

"It's perfectly safe, mia Bella. Bella," he said with a shake of his head to clear it from the unfamiliar endearment that'd just flown unbidden from his mouth, "But yes, you will need to have a bath before you go to bed tonight," he added, figuring he may as well father as best as he could while he was around her.

She harrumphed at that statement, momentarily bringing a smile to River's face as she spied her husband's familiar pout, before she got too distracted by the sights of non- burning things around her to worry about a hypothetical bath. She stood up and walked to the barrier in front of the bench, reaching out to catch a firefly in her hands- a real fly of fire.

"Ooh, Doctor, so take charge," teased River. "Will I need to have a bath too?"

He looked at her grumpily, refusing to give into her levity.

"Look, if you insist on me going along with this… charade, then you can't tease me when I answer her questions."

"Oh, my love. Of course I can," replied River with a smirk.

"Must you always be so difficult?" he muttered to himself as he turned away to take in the scenery.

"You wouldn't have me any other way," retorted River to his sulk. The Doctor kept his face turned from her so she couldn't see how right she might be.

By the time they were making the next circuit around the planet, encased in a bubble as the sea passed by them, the Doctor had grown rather fond of the little girl and her antics. Every, "Daddy, did you see that blue fish with the bright green fins? It glowed!" and "Mommy- look at that big dragony thing. I'll bet it could swallow a whole boat!" and "Daddy- look, we really need to learn horse so we could speak to those sea horses there!" brought such an eager yearning to his heart- a yearning for the day when he got to be Daddy every day to this little girl, where he'd know every little thing about her, yet still have years to learn more.

She would not only suddenly start telling stories about the fish they passed and the adventures they were currently on, weaving wild tales of lost treasures and separated fish families who always found each other in the end, but she also seemed so curious and in love with even the creatures others would find extraordinarily dangerous. He darkly reflected this was perhaps why she seemed to have such a strong connection to him, clearing his throat and tightening his jaw at the frightful thought.

"What's wrong?" River asked, reaching out to grab his hand, squeezing it comfortingly in her own.

He just stared in silence darkly ahead at the little girl, terrified for what might lay in her future. But, he realized when the circuit was done, he hadn't pulled away his hand.


	6. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds the girls of the day far too endearing for this point in his life.

Bella wanted to be on the outside the next ring, riding the wing of the enormous bat- like creature they all sat on as they made their way around the glowing caves at the birthday girl's request, meaning the Doctor was sat between both Songs.

As the ride made its way through the luminous hollows of the planet, the Doctor found himself engrossed in a conversation with River. He found her especially easy to talk to, extremely intelligent and interesting, and she didn't stop him as he rambled on about the nature the cave's luminescence in relation to its chemical composition, even though he had a feeling she knew most of the information he presented. He realized suddenly that sometime in his future he would make a child with this woman, the same child who was currently eating a flavoured ice ball and trying to catch a winged petron on his left. He also realized that as the day wore on, he began to find the idea of these two girls (well, he thought as he looked sideways at her, River Song was most definitely _not_ a girl) in his life slightly more attractive.

Watching Bella as she twirled in her ridiculous tutu brought a smile on his face, even as he shook his head at Jack's obvious influence in her life- evident in the matching mini coat the little girl wore. Swallowing shallowly, he pushed down the rising anxiety born from even imagining River Song and Jack Harkness in a room together. As she made wide circles, bouncing excitedly from simulated cloud to simulated cloud in amazement and fits of giggles, he wondered briefly what outfit Bella would choose tomorrow, and if it would be as eccentric as today's. He began thinking of other places he could take her, extending her birthday as long as possible.

River caught her as she slid down a solid rainbow, patting her lightly to continue her exploration of the fluffy evanescent formations before making her way over to the Doctor, who had busied himself to sculpting different shapes to entertain the little girl. He looked up as she sadly and firmly grabbed his hand, demanding his attention.

"You can't keep her forever, my love. Not yet."

He looked at her darkly, choosing not to answer as he finished piling a stack of clouds into which he knew Bella would love to fall, and a makeshift ladder so she could get maximum height.

"When?" he asked finally with a bit of a hitch in his throat, staring intently at his work instead of River and not really expecting her to answer.

"Spoilers," she responded gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think I've finally accepted the inevitable. I have to stop hoping to prolong this more and just let this story end. Sadness, as I love thinking of new worlds and adventures for this day, but as the ending chapters are already written, I suppose it was always going to happen. Just a reminder before you continue reading, this story is rated T, so don't be surprised at any banter or implications in any of the following chapters, fair warning now. Enjoy!


	7. Bittersweet Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor realizes who River Song will be and that Bella has him wrapped around her little finger.

He found he couldn't deny the little girl anything she asked for for the remainder of the day, and instead he devoted himself to seeing her laugh and smile as much as possible, soaking in every moment he got to be in her life before she, too, left his. The storm clouds that clouded his mind abated slightly as he watched his little daughter, falling hopelessly in love with her spunk and wonder, her light- heartedness and laughter, and her eagerness to share her world with him, and to share in his world as well.

He also got to see a side of River that he was finding hard to resist. So often when they'd met they'd been so caught up in running he couldn't fathom a what a carefree day would be like with her. But today, with the silly discussions she would have with her daughter in gibberish the way children loved to do, or the nonsense ideas she tried to include him in, or the way she would laugh with her whole being truly began to endear her to the wary Time Lord. Her flirting never subsided, although he noticed she was only slightly more careful with her wording when Bella was around. He also found he liked that about her. She was who she always was, no façades or shame in simply _being_ River Song. She didn't try to impress him, like humans inevitably did, (though the fact she had been able to conceive his child, his Bella meant there was definitely more of a story to that) and that fact didn't even bother him as he expected it to. She had always seemed so capable to him, her intelligence and compassion ample enough that he actually allowed her to jab at him playfully, not as haughty as he was wont to be among inferior minds.

Many times he would catch her flinching as the day progressed, so slight he doubted anyone but him would notice, until he noted she would immediately after reach for Bella, grabbing her hand tightly or stroking her hair, or occasionally picking her up and holding her close. It wasn't until the middle of the afternoon, when they were walking through the silver forest together that he realized her flinching was in fact her way of stopping short of reaching for _him_. His brilliant mind went over each time he could think she'd done it that day, and each time he recognized was when it would have been easy and perhaps even natural to hold a partner's hand, or to place an arm around a shoulder, or to embrace the waist of one's…lover? Was that what they were? Was that _all_ they were?

He couldn't believe River Song was one to settle for having just a _part_ of anything. No, he concluded. Against all odds. Against all instinct, he knew. Knew it as surely as he knew he would fight it. River was not only his one of his closest friends, or the mother of his daughter, or a lover he sometimes saw, or a girlfriend, or another companion. She was his wife. Would be anyway. Every particle of his being told him so. She would be his _best_ friend, the mother of _any more_ children he had, the _only_ lover he took, his _proclaimed_ girlfriend, and _lifelong_ (for her, anyway) companion. She was different. And that both thrilled and terrified him.

Oh, what would he do to her? To make her look at him with such longing and yet such pain? To physically have to hold herself back from him, yet want to reach for him at all? Would he ever _not_ hurt her?

His countenance darkened briefly with guilt that she had to restrain herself from doing something so natural simply because he couldn't bring himself to trust her yet, or to care for her the way she wanted. The way she deserved. The balm to his hearts was the same as hers. When she found herself unable to touch or connect with him, she always had his daughter to anchor her, to assure her of what they would have and had had one day, which is exactly what Bella seemed to do. And he couldn't be more grateful for that little girl if he'd _wished_ her into existence.


	8. A Starry Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella's day is drawing to a close, but there are still surprises to be had by all 3 Songs.

She had had an extraordinarily long day, but, the Doctor reflected, Bella wouldn't need _quite_ as much sleep as an ordinary human would, meaning there was a good reason she hadn't yet simply passed out as the suns set. Still, River insisted, this was to be their last revolution, so he'd better make it a good one. He smiled as he led them to a small café where they ate an evening meal while he popped out for a little while in the TARDIS, taking Bella's fez with him to encourage his own quick return.

After the Doctor returned from a short trip to Psano to bring Bella the most delicious, decorative custard and jam flavoured cake he could find, they took their one more trip around the planet, the "magic carpet" they were currently riding stopping abruptly before turning to face the stars. Bella looked up at her parents hesitantly, the Doctor's reassuring grin drawing her gaze back to the darkness beyond.

River looked to the Doctor, a smirk playing at her face as she tried to figure out what he intended for this last stop. He smiled back that cocky smile of his, silence his only answer to her unasked questions.

Finally, she scooted closer to him as the stars, though beautiful, twinkled uneventfully in the night sky.

"You know, Doctor," she whispered coyly, "if you wanted to get me alone in the dark, perhaps we should have left our daughter somewhere out of hearing range."

He turned to her, the smile never leaving his smug face.

"All in good time, Professor Song. For now, just focus on that sky." Her grin grew wider, delighted that he seemed so comfortable and happy he didn't even protest her last flirtatious comment.

Bella began squirming, looking back at the Doctor suspiciously as nothing continued to happen.

"Bella!" he said, suddenly jumping up as he reached for the box containing her cake, "I think we should eat this while we watch, what do you think, little mia?" He no longer winced at the endearment, deciding it suited her more than anything else ever would.

She crawled on all fours excitedly toward the container of the sugary treat, clapping and squealing with joy as she saw the enormous carousel- shaped cake, complete with tiny seahorses, snowmen, fireflys, and hippos. He gave her the piece with the unicorn on it before presenting River with a large piece of the starry sky.

"What're we watching, Daddy?" asked the child as she awkwardly made her way to dangle her little legs over the front of the carpet once more, the Doctor holding her piece to avoid what would otherwise be its inevitable crash to the ground.

"Oh, it's too good, mia Bella. Just keep staring at those stars. And cake!" he said, handing her plate back to her carefully. "Can't have a proper birthday without a proper cake!"

She smiled widely at him, turning back around to watch the stars on her father's word it would be amazing, swinging her feet back and forth as she devoured her birthday surprise.

He found himself bending over her, planting a kiss to her forehead, before laughing at the frosting she'd already managed to get all over her face.

When he turned back around, his open mouth was accidently met by the piece of cake River had held out to him, presenting him with a taste of the dessert he'd gone to such measures to acquire. She hurried to pull back her arm once more, but he caught her hand before she did, holding it in place. This time he maintained her gaze as his mouth closed around the sugary offering. Their eyes were still locked when she pulled the fork away, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed slowly. Suddenly, without thinking or hesitating for once, she leaned forward and kissed him, briefly enjoying the sweet taste of the dessert on his breath before she remembered herself and pulled away, blissfully surprised when his hand flew up to her hair and kept her lips pressed to his for a few moments more.

Finally, his hand dropped and he pulled away, his recent anguish from Mars completely masked by wonder and affection as he looked at her, face devoid of doubt when he reached out and tenderly stroked her face. She smiled wistfully, leaning into his touch, before sighing and turning once more to face the sky.

She loved this man- every him she saw. But she had no illusions about the grief that had hung around him palpably all day, nor the sorrow that he thought he hid every time he'd laughed with their daughter. She understood why his older self had left her waiting all morning, allowing instead this hurting man a carefree day and a chance to heal and smile despite his underlying heartsache. And she was happy that she could offer him that as well.

But, she also knew him, better than he could even fathom right now. And she knew that he could only keep his sadness at a distance for so long before it turned into anger and self- pity and loathing. She would not- she could not allow that sadness to creep in when the young Doctor before her remembered once more that he didn't really know her, that he didn't trust her, and worst of all, that he didn't really love her. The child in front of her had to come first today, and so she would control herself and stop her would- be husband before either of them got hurt even worse.

Still, she couldn't stop herself from briefly closing her eyes in guilt when she saw regret flash ever so quickly across his face, before that treacherous, everything- is- fine smile took its place as he turned slowly from her to cut his own piece of the sweet miniature carousel.

She was staring at her daughter's head, deep in thought, when she felt him nudge her shoulder. She looked to him, thinking he sought some sort of explanation, instead realizing he was redirecting her focus to the sky. Her delighted gasp matched her daughter's, as the "stars" began to move rapidly through the heavens, as quickly as a meteor shower. Then, the constellations began to rearrange themselves, tumbling over one another as quickly and effectively as a large fireworks display. It took her a moment, but she realized each constellation was bursting and reordering itself to create different snapshots of the three of them throughout the day.

Bella as she ran out of the TARDIS, her husband's ridiculous fez askew on her head. Bella, her eyes wide as she saw the carousel for the first time this morning. Bella and River, as they laughed and hugged the snowmen they'd created. The Doctor holding Bella's hand as they giggled and chased fairies in the rainbow fields. River, holding a happily squealing Bella under the strawberry- flavoured waterfall, both lifting their heads to catch the sweet liquid on their tongues, even as they got soaked through. Bella, laughing as the clouds burst up around her when she landed on the Doctor's creation. The Doctor, thoroughly enamoured with the little girl rolling around in sunbeams, giggling as the different temperatures warmed and tickled her body.

After seeing the first few images and remaining remarkably still in awe, Bella had turned her head quickly to her parents behind her, the Doctor's face smiling proudly at the pictures in the sky, River meeting her gaze and beaming at her. She rapidly stood up and ran over to the Doctor, her tiny arms tight around his neck as she hugged him ecstatically, before burrowing herself in his arms, from where she watched the rest of the show. At long last, the "stars" (psychic lightbursts, the Doctor explained) spelled out one final message, and with a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA!" the sky grew dark once more.

Bella jumped up at that, clapping excitedly because the sky knew her name. Then she pulled both River and the Doctor into the tightest hug her small arms could manage.

"Mommy, Daddy, this is my favourite birthday ever!" she declared with glee.

"I'm glad, Baby," said River with a wide smile, stroking her hair as she returned the hug.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," replied the Doctor as he kissed her temple, his arm wrapping around River too as he embraced the birthday girl.


	9. Forgotten Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had this once. He just forgot.

Bella was babbling excitedly as they at last exited the ride. River leaned into the Doctor, advising him to carry her back to the TARDIS. He thought she was worried about losing her in the crowd, and didn't understand why the little girl decided to fiddle with his tie, huffing when it didn't seem to be cooperating the way she wanted it to. He laughed at her pouting face, kissing her again as he hugged her small body to him.

She was dead asleep by the time he unlocked his TARDIS doors.

He kept her close, eyes closed slightly as he remembered other times when he held other children as they slept. The long- unfamiliar weight in his arms felt like a miracle, and he opened his eyes quickly just to reassure himself she wasn't a dream. River took his hand when they went in, guiding him gently to Bella's room, since it had never existed for him before. He laughed quietly as he looked around, everything he knew about the little girl in his arms reflected in their current settings.

He laid her down in her ridiculous waterbed, River covering her behind him before kissing her goodnight. The Doctor bent down as well, kissing each lightly fluttering eyelid before kissing her forehead, whispering, "Goodnight, my Bella mia. Happy birthday."

The contented smile she wore as she slept made his hearts soar, and he hoped he could use her birthday wish to wish her in his life sooner rather than later. How was he just supposed to drop her off and forget her, as though she hadn't just renewed his desire to live? How was he supposed to let go of the only proof he possessed that he could do something right again? She was the living evidence that the Doctor could be so much more than the Time Lord Victorious. So much better. He lingered far longer than necessary, just watching her sleep, before he sighed and pulled himself away from her room.


	10. Sometimes it Hurts to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor needs to accept what he's done. And River has no problem with confrontation.

 "So," River said when they finally made their way out of the confining walkway, "Doctor, I- I want to thank you for all you did today. For Bella. It meant… so much to her. And to me. I know this was hard for you. But I couldn't bear to see her- I couldn't bear her hurt, if she thought you didn't know her. Thank you. Not only for going along with everything, but for the… For going above and beyond what was necessary."

 

"River," he began, his arms crossed, looking up at her with that patronizing look that said he thought she was being daft, "She's going to be my daughter one day. Did you really think I would purposely hurt her, just because that day isn't today?"

"No," she said, her ringlets shaking with her head, "I just… I know how difficult it must have been for you to do that. To act like this was a normal day. Especially since…" She sighed, at a loss, before continuing, "How are you doing, my love? With all this? You didn't really get a chance to take it all in."

He fiddled with the console, not looking at her, before answering her with his head down.

"Bella," he finally got out, his face warring between a smile and a snarl, his tone clipped and emotionless.

"What about her?" asked River brusquely, mask and armour going up as she crossed her arms over her chest while she mentally prepared her usual answer to any questions.

"She seems to love things she shouldn't far too much," he said harshly, still avoiding her gaze.

River reached out, caressing his face before turning him to look at her.

"Or, maybe she loves them just the right amount, and they need to get over themselves and accept it." She spoke with conviction, trying to get her point across to her bitter husband.

He looked her in the eyes, matching her stubborn stare for stubborn stare. Finally, he gave in.

"So," he started, walking quickly around the console before continuing, his back still facing her, "do you want me to take you home now?"

"That depends, Sweetie," she responded, her arms still folded over her chest as she fixed her steely gaze on the back of his head, "who else is travelling with you?"

"Oh, I meet people here and there. Better that way. Avoids… complications."

"So you're travelling alone, that's what you're trying to tell me?"

"I told you," he said, coming around to stand in front of her in his most intimidating Doctor- confident stance possible, "it's better this way."

"You're never better alone, Doctor," she insisted, not shrinking in light of his impressive Oncoming Storm presence for a second, "especially when you're like this."

"And what am I like?" he asked, leaning forward, pushing the boundaries of her personal space.

"Angry." She surprised him with the compassion in her tone. "And sad." She reached out to softly stroke his hair back from his face, stopping short at his flinch. She looked toward Bella's room, just to reassure herself once more, then turned again to stare into his eyes. "You're liable to do something incredibly stupid if I leave you alone like this."

He laughed humourlessly at this statement before biting out, "You're a little late for that, Professor."

He turned and stalked back to punch at the controls, anger silencing the confrontational alien.

River sighed before turning away from him toward a corridor.

"Well, I see you're obviously still too worked up for this conversation right now anyway. Go ahead and sulk for a while. I need to get changed."

Her spirited reply and seeming indifference to his authority infuriated him even more. He pulled a lever harshly, sending the TARDIS into the vortex, before following her down the hall.

"I am not sulking, Professor Song!" he nearly shouted, crossing the boundaries into her room. "For your information something very, very bad has just happened to me and I believe I'm doing quite well in light of the circumstances."

She rolled her eyes as she slid the pins out of her hair, tossing them on the nearby vanity before going to her wardrobe and pulling out a dressing gown, which she threw on a nearby chair.

"Yes. Purposely pushing people away and acting as though you're fine when really, I know you're howling inside. Probably feeling sorry for yourself, too, if I'm not mistaken. You're right, Doctor. As rain."

"Oh, you're mistaken alright, River Song, and greatly so if you think that I-" he stopped, finally processing his surroundings. "River... you're in my room."

She paused from taking off her shoes to spare the room a quick glance.

"Yes, I suppose I am, Dear."

"Why are you in my room?"

She looked at him with a quirked eyebrow, judging whether or not he was serious.

He was.

"This is my room, too, Doctor."

He huffed, his previous arguments momentarily forgotten.

"So it's true then?"

"Not exactly a mind reader, Sweetie."

"You're my wife?"

She looked up at that, taking in his crossed arms and curious expression as he considered her once more. "What do you think?" she asked quietly, no sarcasm or challenge in her voice.

"I think you know me too well to pretend I'm just any old idiot."

"Oh, let's not get carried away, Sweetie. You're _my_ idiot."

He caught himself chucking briefly at this before his expression once more turned serious and he stared intently at the back of her head as she began to remove her makeup.

"So, what do you expect me to do then?" he asked, deciding she wasn't going to give him a straight answer on that topic. "I can't take on another companion- not after Donna. And you _clearly_ have your own life to get back to."

"Missing me already, hmm dear?"

"I'm serious, River."

She sighed, putting down her cloth and sighing, before turning around and standing just short of the Doctor.

"I know you are, my Love. And knowingly- which scares me for you. Let me ask you one question, Doctor. Because I'm sure you've shouted at yourself and scolded yourself and cursed yourself and doubted yourself continuously since Mars. Have you cried for yourself yet?"

"Let me get this straight. I'm telling you my problem of not wanting another companion and your solution is for me to break down and cry? What good would that do, exactly?"

"I'm telling you that you're a sentimental fool, like it or not." She held up a hand to cut off his protest, "And that you should allow yourself to get all that anger and emotion out here in the safety of your TARDIS and around me than to wait until you're in an incredibly dangerous situation and affect even more people by letting your feelings get in the way."

"I am perfectly in control of my emotions, Professor."

"Yes, so much so you can't even bear to say my name at the moment."

She had him. Her blunt scolding startled him into silence.

She reached for him, but he backed away from her, shame and anger keeping him from accepting any sort of penance or comfort she might offer.

"Thank you for today," he said as he turned from her, not really desperate to continue this conversation, "it was nice to stop thinking about… recent events for awhile. I'll drop you two off when she wakes up."

She walked ahead of him, blocking his exit.

"Bella needed her father. That was the only reason I sought you out. It wasn't to give you a free pass for acting like a total idiot."

"She needs someone who won't put her in danger simply by being around her!" His finger pointed forcefully at the direction of their child.

He shouted at her. He couldn't help it. She was still here, with her child, still willing to jeopardize a little girl simply because of some biological connection he happened to share with her. Didn't she know what he was? He looked up at her when he saw her arms cross, face set stubbornly.

Yes. She knew _exactly_ who he was.

"We're not leaving you to brood and to destroy lives simply because you want to throw yourself a pity party."

"What am I supposed to do, River?! Tell me, what- what will change what I've done?"

"That's your problem, my Love. Maybe you should stop trying to change it and start learning to accept it. And then move on."

She reached for him, unable to stay away when he was wounded so deeply.

He let her, not pulling away this time as he confided in her.

"And maybe you should take better care to protect your daughter."

She studied him, his anger and pain affecting her as much as it damaged him.

"I will always protect her when protection is needed. But, she's too much like her father to ask her to stop loving something just because it might hurt in the end."

He was speechless at that, memories of all those he'd lost racing through his mind. He tried to imagine not having them all, wondering if he would have been better off. Donna. Martha. Jack. Sarah Jane. Ace. Jamie. Leela. Peri. The Brigadier. Susan. Rose.

He wondered what kind of man he would be without them. Then, suddenly, he realized he already knew. And finally, with a gut-wrenching sob, the tears started streaming down his face.

His voice was barely audible as he sorrowfully wondered aloud to the one person who would surely know, "What am I, River? The destroyer of worlds, or their saviour? Am I a monster? A hero?"

He looked up at her, broken and confused in a way that terrified her. She embraced him, holding his head as he cried into her shoulder.

"You're none of those things, Sweetie. You're not an angel, or a demon. You're nothing but a man. A man who makes choices like everyone else. Sometimes they're very good. And sometimes they're not. Remember this, my beautiful love- you may be the last of the Time Lords, but you are not a god. The moment you forget that, you'll lose the Doctor."

He couldn't respond, just listened and tried to let her words sink in. It was amazing, how she could comfort him all the while putting him in his place. Here she was- knowing all his faults and his virtues, and still stayed by his side, unwilling to let him think any more or less of himself.

He sighed as he held onto her tightly, knowing she would be gone tomorrow and he would be left trying to remember who he was without her help. But she was very right about one thing, he reflected as he turned his head, his hands slowly, reverently beginning to explore and caress while his lips tenderly began to kiss their way up her neck.

He needed someone. So much. Someone who knew and who didn't care. Or who did care. He needed River. And, because she couldn't bear the hurt she saw every time she looked in his eyes, she took his pain and shared it. And for this one night, he let her.


	11. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every choice has a consequence. But not all consequences are necessarily bad.

A few months later Bella ran outside at the sound of her father's ship. When the silent, brooding young man stepped out, she came to a quick halt, taking in his intense gaze before she slowly walked up to him, grabbing his hand in hers. He looked down at her, his eyes full of sorrow, and he smiled gently at her, trying to ward off the tears.

Would the next him be the man to properly belong to this beautiful girl?

He returned the tight hug she offered, before he put her down and she turned and silently ran toward River, who had stopped just outside her house. She made no move to come to him, and he was grateful. Their eyes met, his full of pain and fear, hers full of compassion and understanding. She knew what today was- he could sense it in her gaze. She gave a small pitiful half-smile as her daughter finally reached her.

She reached down to pick the girl up, and held his eyes once more, before slowly and pointedly looking down. He followed her gaze, to the hand she had just placed over the slightly–protruding bump around her middle.

He looked back up at her, his face a suspended question. Her smile grew wider, a proud, but not- quite answer. He responded to her nod with one of his own, before turning around to finish claiming his reward.

* * *

* * *

After he changed, he met a little girl, alone and with hair as red as his Bella's. She laughed even as she trusted him immediately and whole-heartedly, sitting and enjoying his company when he finally decided his favourite meal was the one his daughter had (would?) introduced to him that day at the Carousel. He saw his little girl's straightforwardness and bravery in her, her wonder and excitement for the new. He saw the chance to finally be there for a young child who needed him. And he took it.

Perhaps, he reflected when he convinced this little girl who reminded him of his own future to run away with him, he could have the fairy tale ending. Perhaps, he wouldn't even run from it this time. Or, maybe, just because it was in his nature to do so, perhaps he always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! And.. done. Hope you liked it. Let me know if you did. Or didn't. Thanks for reading!


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